Why school is failing my children by letting them pass ... part deux

Yesterday was an overall rough day so the necessary amount of alcohol I was required  to consume to destress and resemble a more sane personality inhibited my desire to finish THE WHOLE POINT of my blog post yesterday.  Way to go Stacee.  Way to go.

Our mini-recap is I received three too many phone calls from schools yesterday, before noon, while I was at work.  I should get 0, 0 phone calls.  One was an annoying nurse who is apparently trained to tell me the rash occupying about 50% of my child's body is not a reaction to a flu shot, despite the fact that it's actually a reaction to a flu shot.  But that is a topic for another day ...

So on to call number 3.  Call number 3 has been long awaited.  And by long I mean I've been waiting 3 days.  I received an email from the 12 year olds English teacher 3 days prior asking for my number so she could speak with me about Anthony's progress in her class.  The very next day he brought home his progress report sporting a 52% in English.  Yes, a 52% on a 100% scale.  So yes, 3 days is a long time to wait to figure out how on Earth my child has a 52%! 

Ms English teacher explains the 12 year old has a late assignment.  21 days late to be exact.  TWENTY ONE DAYS LATE!  How the hell is it even possible for him to have something 21 days late?  Ms English goes on to explain the 12 year old has been telling her for every single one of the 15 days he's been in class and 6 days of weekends, he hasn't been able to print it out.  REALLY???? REALLY???? Why the hell have you believed this lie for 21 days???? Are you freaking serious????

Before I go much further, let me explain.  The 12 year old is my middle boy child.  He is intelligent, funny, full of energy, highly creative, sweet, loving and he lies.  Yup.  He does.  Not horribly, and not necessarily with intent, but he lies.  He'll be the first one to lie to save his butt from getting in trouble.  He's the first one to come up with an untruthful excuse when attempting to get out of trouble.  He often tells stories with components of fiction to embellish his thoughts.  We're working on correcting that behavior, but .... damn ... it's a process.  So naturally, I am not surprised he lied to his teacher.  NOT ONE BIT.  Because he's bright and helpful and according to every teacher he's ever had, he's a real joy to have in class - it's easy to see why she would believe him. Kind of.  But not really.  I mean really, Ms English???  21 days???? 15 of them where he lied to your face?  UGH!!!

The embellished excuse, er... LIE ... was that he was locked out of the school computer network and couldn't print it.  So ... yeah ... again ... TWENTY ONE FREAKING DAYS????  Why she never thought to send a simple email, make a simple phone call, or simply ask one single person in the computer lab if it was true - is beyond me and now I'm missing the point because I'm just amazed at how long yet another one of my highly intelligent children has managed to manipulate another teacher. 

She tells me if he turns it in tomorrow she'll make his grade passing.  I failed to mention it's a major grade, so ... the 21 day late assignment is a major grade and she's still willing to PASS HIM after he has lied to her ... 15 days to her face ... but whatever the hell because I'm not really listening to her anymore because I just want to scream into the phone WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BELIEVES A 12 YEAR OLD FOR 21 DAYS AND OFFERS TO PASS HIM?!?!?!  Ok, I'm being harsh. She is probably genuinely not an idiot.  In fact, I seriously doubt she's an idiot, but this is not one of her finer moments.

Naturally,  I ask the 12 year to explain to me why he has not turned in an assignment due 21 days ago and discover he hasn't actually finished it yet.  Yup.  The truth was revealed.  I wonder if Ms English ever thought to ask him if he finished it?  That was my second question to him.  The first of course being, "Child of mine, why the hell have you NOT turned in an assignment due 21 days ago?" To which his reply was his bs excuse about being locked out of the computer.  And then .... question number two ... "Have you actually finished the assignment?" No. No he had not.  And no, no Ms English never bothered to ask if he did the damn assignment.  After some very firm words I received a verbal confirmation from the 12 year old that the assignment would be completed at tutorials during morning tutorials since he'll be there anyway (he gets to school almost 45 minutes early every day because he's overly paranoid he'll be late ... and I'm dead serious here) or he's going to be grounded for an entire 6 weeks if he fails this 6 weeks.

This evening, after I returned home late from a incredibly long day at work, he informed me the 21 day late assignment has been completed, printed and turned in and he now has a passing grade.  While I congratulated his ... uh ... accomplishment (but not even really close to actually being a proud accomplishment because we are actually still talking about 21 days late here) and threatened him with threatening things (which really means nothing because there isn't really much that passes for acceptable, effective consequences to teach your children to learn and wise up from asshole behavior ... meaning I threaten to beat him but we and he know that I won't actually lay a hand on my child so it ain't gonna happen and I'm wasting my breath here) ... um, I derailed so let me start this sentence again for clarity:

While I congratulated his ... uh ... accomplishment and threatened him with threatening things - I'm pissed he didn't fail.  SERIOUSLY, I'M PISSED.  I had the privilege of homeschooling my children for over 10 years.  10 beautiful, fantastic, mind growing years.  I have an 11th grader, a 9/10 grader (he's on a course to complete 4 years of high school in 3 years so he's in both grades this year), a 6th grader and a 4th grader.  3 of them have been in school for only 5 years of their life, and 1 is on only the beginning of his 3rd year in school).  Only the youngest has gone to public school every year, and even then he was homeschooled since birth.  All this background to make a point.

I'M SERIOUSLY PISSED MY CHILD DID NOT FAIL!  Over the course of the past 5 years my children have had a lot of teachers.   A LOT. If each child had an average of 6 different teachers a year for their subjects x 3 kids = 18 teachers a year.  18 teachers a year x 5 years in school = 90 teachers.  PLUS 1 child with an average of 6 teachers a year x 3 years = 18.  So 90 + 18 = 108.  ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT TEACHERS IN 5 YEARS.  That is a f*ck ton of teachers.  Wow. 

Out of those 108 teachers, I have heard more teacher names than I care to count, received more phone calls, voicemails, and emails than I care to remember.  I'm guessing here, but as I can best recall about 10% were complimentary and random praise (which honestly it would be great if teachers remembered parents enjoy when our children are praised by others because we don't hear it often enough.  We are so used to defending our children because we live in such a judgmental world that we do not often hear praise from other role models in their lives that are true opinions and emotions based solely on their relationship with our children from someone who is not influenced by their relationship with us) ... Ugh.  It's like my brain just ... SQUIRREL!  

Take 2: I'm guessing here, but as I can best recall about 10% were complimentary and random praise, 30% school nurse, 35% disciplinary (physical altercations, back talking, unruly behavior) and 35% incomplete assignments.  35%  of 108 teachers = 37.8.  37.8 teachers called me about incomplete assignments (both homework and in class assignments).  Of those 37.8 teachers, 100%, yes 100% ... meaning every single damn one of those 37.8 teachers who called me called to tell me if my child completes the aforementioned incomplete assignment - they will pass.  100% OF THE 37.8 TEACHERS WHO CALLED ME TO ENLIST MY ASSISTANCE IN PERSUDING MY CHILD TO COMPLY WITH THEIR DEMANDS - 100% OF THOSE ASSHOLES FAILED MY ASSHOLE CHILD!  Read that sentence again, because that is exactly what it is!  When a teacher calls me to enlist my assistance in making my child do what they told them to do ... not only are they undermining their own authority, they are bribing me, the parent, with a passing grade so I will not have to deal with the hassle of tutorials and extra work and arguing with a stressed out child to work just a little bit harder to make up for their screw up.  Read that again, because I'm going to reiterate that again.

If you read my previous post you will completely understand that I believe teachers are assholes for failing my children, parents are assholes for not seeing their child for the asshole they really can be sometimes and act like assholes to teachers who won't hold their little asshole in their class accountable.  And again, it's true.  It just is.  And I actually genuinely admire anyone who makes the intentional choice to be a part of molding so very many young souls during the course of their teaching career.  I'm grateful for teachers.  I'm grateful that there are talented, intelligent, diverse people out there who choose to be a part of my child's village because that is just beautiful ... and then there are the assholes.

NOT ONE OF MY CHILDREN HAS EVER FAILED A CLASS. NOT ONCE.

Dear 37.8 asshole teachers who FAILED MY CHILD,

Stop failing my child by letting them pass.  When you call me because my highly intelligent, witty, funny, sarcastic, kind hearted, talented, creative, friendly asshole child isn't listening to you and you offer to pass them if they comply because you actually want them to believe resistance is futile - you are failing them.  You screwed up. You are failing to set a precedent.  You are teaching them deadlines mean nothing.  You are teaching them procrastination.  You are teaching them that THEY are in control.  You are teaching them no matter how freaking lazy or disobedient they are ... they f*cking pass.  YOU ARE FAILING MY CHILD.  You are contributing to this selfish, egotistical, narcissistic, impatient and constant need to be instantly gratified, wasteful, disrespectful generation and their ridiculous sense of entitlement.  (Sorry every single spoiled brat in the freaking world that has a cell phone and complains for any freaking reason about it because sorry to tell ya asshole - that cell phone is a freaking PRIVILEDGE, not a necessity like air, food and water and I'm sick and tired of every single one of you little assholes who do not appreciate it.)  BUT NOT ALL THE MEMBERS OF THIS GENERATION ARE SELF ENTITLED ASSHOLES.

So 37.8 teachers (some who called me repeatedly) ... because, for  the most part, my children are not self entitled assholes (yeah, they have their moments but damn they are good freaking kids and I am just so blessed to have been trusted with the privilege to call myself mom to 4 beautiful souls), I need you to stop failing them by letting them pass. I want them to fail.  I want them to FAIL AND LEARN.  What lesson will they learn if you teach them deadlines mean nothing? You're setting them up for failure.  You are enabling procrastination, you are allowing the student to manipulate the teacher ... because in the end, they finished in their own time and they freaking know it. 

When you don't let my child fail, you're never giving them the most valuable lesson they may very well need to learn.  That life is work.  That to enjoy success from the fruits of their labors, they must work hard. Whether their adulthood molds them into corporate ants, or artists, or stay at home parents, or contractors, or doctors, or tattoo artists, or ... teachers ... or whatever they choose to become .. that they must work hard.  And I mean CHOOSE to become.  Because the successful ones choose.  The ones who are stuck in their roles ... those are the souls the world failed.  Those are the souls the world failed to instill hope in.  You see, the child who failed and has to bust his asshole ass the next semester - that kid, that's the kid that's going to learn the value of hard work. That kid is going to learn if you work hard enough, if you apply enough, if you HOPE enough - you will succeed.  Yes, it's hope.  Otherwise, why else would they work hard?  They work hard because they HOPE it will pay off.  It's not a guarantee, not at all.  So they work hard and hope and succeed and they learn that being an asshole doesn't pay off.  They learn to be successful driven souls.

However, 37.8 teachers, I certainly don't intend to imply this responsibility is your burden to bear alone.  No, I am not blaming you for my asshole child becoming an asshole adult who is an asshole to teachers, sleep, eat, cycle repeat.  I'm not holding you SOLELY accountable for that, but you need to be held accountable too.  I set the tone for their lives. I set the stage, often provide most of the props and assemble the border around the stage that is to be their life - but for now 5 years of their very formidable years - you have spent more time with them than I have.  You interact with my child more than I do. You are a large part of their little play village inside of the carefully assembled border I have built around the stage of their dependence on me until they choose to discover life outside the constrains of their parents presence ... and protection.

And when they migrate to that life, I want them to be driven for success.  I want them to be happy in whatever success means for them.  For my children, at current: one will most likely become military intelligence, one wants to become a professor, one wants a career in body piercing and modification, and one is undecided and only 10 .. but that kid is going to change the world.  Because he's driven.  Because he's only in 4th grade.  Because he has learned the value of hard work and succeeded.  Because he's failed in the way failure affects him.  He's always been intelligent, he's in gifted and talented in school and articulate and just freaking intelligent.  By intelligent I mean, he's the kind of kid that has a debate with an adult and holds his own because you completely forget he's still a 10 year old 4 foot short person who is still afraid of the dark and likes to cuddle with his mommy and be sung to sleep.  So yeah, my baby boy is a smart one.  School is a breeze for him and my parent teacher conferences have consisted of recaps of moments where a teacher was overly impressed with an act of kindness or a show of high intelligence or wit and discussions on how they were going to continually increase the level of his work because he's still not challenge enough.

Then he met this teacher.  4th grade teacher.  AND SHE FAILED HIM.  It was one assignment.  Just one test.  She could have passed him.  Easily.  BUT SHE FAILED HIM.  I did not receive one single phone call about how he can do extra work to pull up his grade, or allow a retake or anything else.  She did not call me.  She failed him. She's continuing to model what I model for him, that if you work hard, if you refuse to fail, if you do not give up - you WILL succeed in whatever you choose to be successful in. So for whatever my children choose to become, they won't have to choose to be happy because their soul will radiate happiness on it's own.

So when you take away the opportunity to assist me in raising my children to be driven and successful, you fail my child.  We're in this together. You need me and I need you. We both need my children to succeed.  I know some of you are afraid to fail my child because parents are assholes and are just f*cking horrible to you when you hold their little asshole accountable - but let's make a pact.  Please.  I got your back if you got mine.  If you hold my little asshole accountable and allow them to fail if they lacked the drive, commitment and motivation to complete the assignments properly then I will defend you and back you up and insist they respect your authority.  It's a win win.  I know not all parents want that kind of pact ... but I do.

I love my children, in a way that is beyond any emotion I could have ever imagined.  To love them is to want for their happiness.  I fail in many ways every day, but because I have failed, I work harder and harder every day to continue to achieve what we define as success for us.  Please, please, please 37.8 teachers, learn from your failure of passing my child and STOP.  Let these souls learn to fail so they can discover that light within them that shines through to defeat the darkness.  My greatest love is for my own children of course, but I need their world to be filled with similar souls because that is how they will continue to live and thrive and truly be happy.  We have to work together in this village and we have got to pull our own weight.  Because it's worth it.  Every freaking second of this beautiful life is worth living.

So please quit being assholes and failing my child by letting them pass.

Respectfully,

Stacee ... Who is sometimes an asshole too