Oh baby baby it's a wild world

 I wake up angry every day lately. Just angry as hell. I'm not really one to get angry, because anger is not helpful or  "real". It feels real, but anger is just the emotion we use when we're scared, concerned, feel walked on, feel misunderstood, not heard, etc. But I am waking up angry way too often, and I have to stop. I'm in some kind of bad flare that just isn't going away. I've had whatever I've had for years, but I think my body has just had it. It's just done fighting it and the past few months have been full of pain and a million other symptoms I don't want to talk about right now because I'm still busy being angry. Probably because I'm scared. I went to the dr last week to try another round of steriods, but unlike last time, they didn't provide much relief. Day two of the methyl prednisone, I was optimistic. I felt some symptom relief and less pain. Then that day was over. I've lost 5 pounds since last week, and I'v...

I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey. I am a huge fan of total money makeover. I am a huge fan of good financial decisions and accountability, so I'm in a Dave Ramsey Facebook group. If you're unfamiliar, Dave Ramsey has a financial plan comprised of baby steps, that is actually realistic for the average family. It requires sacrifice and discipline and lots of support. Occasionally a member reaches out for advice and today a momma shared the guilt she feels at not being able to provide the summer vacations and outings her children's friends are going on. She shared her frustration and asked -  How do you strike a balance between wanting to create special summer memories for them while you still can, and not going deeper into debt? Here was my response: ((I share this for 2 reasons - to support those who, as Dave says, live like no one else now, so they can live like no one else later and because I absolutely love sharing every single bit of my parenting journey to help remind par...

I almost started this blog post with the line, "I'M FUCKiNG BLEEDING OUT OF MY ASS", because I was pretty angry about two hours ago. Very angry. Like, stupid angry and I even yelled. Not at anyone, just because I needed to. It's easier to be angry than scared. It's easier to angry than to feel helpless. It's easier to be angry, than to admit how much I hate what part of my life looks like right now. I'm confident you don't really want to know all about I'm about to tell you, but I feel like I have to, because it's affecting my reputation for being there for people and I can't have that. The only opinion of others that I care about - is that everyone who knows me will say I was honest and always willing to stand up for what is right. Even those that don't like me personally, or even my personality - even those people would say I'm honest, and unfortunately they can also now say that they know I'm bleeding out of my ass. I hope y...

 "I hope she's absolutely amazing," I said to my husband as we chatted in our garage during our nightly wind-down session. He looked solemnly at the floor and spoke quietly, "Baby, I don't want to talk about this." "I know my love, but we have to. Because it's so important to me that you hear it, so you'll never wonder, you'll never have to question. We need to have this conversation because I want you to hear the words from me. If anything ever happens to me, take your time to mourn, use the life insurance to pay the bills, make sure my kids are taken care of, and when you're ready - you absolutely deserve the opportunity to find another partner to keep going through life with. And I hope she's absolutely amazing! I hope she's the most beautiful, kindest, most compassionate woman. I hope she is a beacon of joy that lights up a room. I hope she builds you up and honors you for everything that you are, because you deserve that. Ju...

My husbands grandmother has been ill most of her adult life, but recently, it's been worse and her time with us may be more limited. We took a whirlwind trip up to see her last month and had enough time to drive up, have dinner with her and family, see some friends who let us stay at their home, and drive back first thing in the morning. Tiring, but no where near hard. During that trip, the boys were in school and were not able to make it so we planned a second trip. Our Graduate was not able to make it due to some work/school conflicts resulting from the Graduation delay and some last minute info from the school, so on a Monday morning the husband, myself and our 16 year old hopped into our rental car and headed to Missouri. We arrived later than we had hoped, due to our late departure from being just exhausted from the fantastic graduation party we had the night before. That meant we had to rearrange dinner with my husbands sister into the next day.  We awoke Tuesday ready for a ...

I'm not really one to publicly bash people or complain about people's areas of opportunity for growth and all, but one of the most disheartening things I read, are comments from people who work with children who can't handle their own emotions. For example, "I've been in Education for 20 years, and let me tell you, most kids are a**holes." (Real comment I read today) Even if they don't work with children, you see so many negative comments about the juvenile condition - as if it's an optional phase in life. As if we weren't all one. As if there's another option toward adulthood to continue to repopulate our human race.  If a child makes you that angry - guess what - the problem is YOU! "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt. If a child has the ability to "make you angry" (worded properly - if you choose to get angry) - then congrats you are human and your journey is to learn to control y...

 I love the way life gives us random opportunities to meet with people, connect with them, and learn a bit about their story. We live in a wonderfully diverse area, with a large population. This meant my sons graduating class was comprised of 1331 of his closest friends. With Covid, naturally this year has been different. Because of our large class sizes in our high schools, the only way our students could attend in person, was to have hybrid schedules that allowed two days a week in class. Mondays were asynchronous from home, logging in anytime before midnight, on your own time completing assignments. Tuesdays and Thursdays, he was synchronous, online from home on Zoom calls with teachers or logging in during specified times to complete work. Wednesdays and Fridays, he went physically to campus - both only with students whose last names started with M through Z. A-L went to campus Tuesdays and Thursdays. This made for a weird, and comparatively lonely year compared to what we all ...